cut me

finaly i cut my hair, short like a boy. i decided to cut my hair without think a lot. i search some photos of girl with short hair, wait my mother come home, and go to salon. bye mid long hair :) this is what i want, what i need.. i feel free. one one can't stop me to say bye with my hair. kak evi owner of the salon asking me, "why you cut your hair? are you broken heart darling?" i said "i'm bored with this style, i not broken heart" hahaha. in my heart i said, if i cut my hair because of the pain, i should did it 1 year ago, i did it after 1 year later. so am i cut my hair because of broken hearted?

i take this photo one day before i cut my hair. hehe i didn't think one day after i take this photo i will cut my hair. this is my room. the mirror is door of my wardrobe. i like talking alone in front of this mirror. like a patient of mental hospital O.o but who cares?! hehehe my brother said, "you sick sist!"

then this. part of me. my favorite navy jeans skirt, white tshirt (cut the selvee, so you can see my amrpit. hahaha), black tight, and my hand made ribbon neckless.

have no idea about this O.o

how about me now? sick tired weakness all around me. i just can try to survive in all conditions, only God know what will happen soon..

eternal ember

last night i dreamed about something i called summer days, something warmth like an eternal ember, shining like orange afternoon, a beautiful moment God have made, moment that i always waiting when afternoon come, a moment that i will always miss in the time of my life. i woke from the dream with head full of sweat, my hair wet. i guess had restless sleep.

i dreamed i walk across my high school ground, wearing uniform, this is dream about my high school days. i had personal impression at every part of my high school. my class, the ground, canteen, class hallway, green house, parking lot, musholla, stairs, teacher office, hall, gate, all! if God give a change for one week back to the past, i want to back to high school time. i wanna feel monday to sunday in high school, not to repair my fault or bad things happen, i just wanna feel it once again.

feel the orange sky kiss my mind, fill a special wide space in my heart.

May 27 2010

it still spring time rite? i miss the warmth of summer days...

Annisa Amalia

from the past

i'm highly interest with kind of classic thing! style, music, art, history from the past during world war I - II until 70's. women fashion style from 20's (flapper style) until 70's (retro disco era) are timeless, silhouette of dress, coat, skirt, and blouse still inspire fashion style for this decade.

i use www.looklet.com to make it :). this is fashion during world war I - II. 20's flapper ( fringes, uni sex clothes, Coco Chanel), 30's with coat and ankle length skirt, and 40's with slim waits silhouette and uniform.

fashion after world war is more colorful. flowing silhouette skirt like Marilyn Monroe in 50's. mini-mini in 60's, hippies also born in 60's. retro disco with boots and bottom bells cut pants in 70's.

listen to Frank Sinatra, The Beatles, Queen, its gonna make me feels the past even born in 90's :)

#Frank Sinatra - Come Fly With Me

#The Beatles - Here Comes The Sun

#Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

am i too old school? hahaha

my favorite time

Afternoon, May 19 2010

a windy afternoon. i feel cold on all my fingertips, my palm looks pale. wind blows make my hair messy. my body shiver and freezing. have you ever feel the way i feel like today?

this is face of my neighbourhood sky in this afternoon. heavy cloudy right? i took this photograph on 4:16 pm. No sun or blue sky, only cloud. i launch this post on 5pm it still no rain, just cloudy afternoon sky. afternoon is my favorite time, for me is the perfect time to do what i love for my life. i like to spending this time with my friend and family, but sometime i just want to be alone to enjoy it. enjoy the wind blow on my family house roof top, lonely but happy :)

(semoga) ini masa lalu

Menurut Institut Kesehatan Jiwa Amerika Serikat (NIMH), gejala dan tanda umum depresi adalah sebagai berikut:

• Rasa sedih, cemas, atau? hampa? yang terus-menerus
• Rasa putus asa dan pesimis
• Rasa bersalah, tidak berharga dan tidak berdaya
• Kehilangan minat atau kesenangan atas hobi atau aktivitas yang sebelumnya disukai, termasuk seks
• Energi lemah, kelelahan, menjadi? lamban?
• Sulit berkonsentrasi, mengingat, memutuskan
• Sulit tidur (insomnia) atau tidur berlebihan (hipersomnia)
• Sulit makan atau rakus makan (menjadi kurus atau kegemukan)
• Tidak tenang dan gampang tersinggung
• Gejala penyakit fisik yang tidak hilang dengan pengobatan seperti sakit kepala, masalah pencernaan (sulit buang air, diare, dll) dan nyeri kronis.
• Berpikir ingin mati atau bunuh diri
• Terkadang, merasa berat di tangan dan kaki

semua pernah saya alami secara sekaligus dalam jangka waktu beberapa bulan terakhir. ada apa dengan saya? apa yang menyebabkan saya seperti itu? akankah saya menyalahkan orang lain? jujur mulanya iya, tapi kemudian banyak yang terjadi. tulus dan ikhlas tumbuh subur di hati saya. semua datangnya dari Zat Yang Maha Kuasa, tergantung bagaimana saya menyikapinya. dan sekarang saya yakin saya menuju jalan yang terang. Maha Kuasa Allah SWT yang menciptakan langit dan bumi, menciptakan isinya dengan begitu sempurna, membuat kita yang tidak mengenal kemudian mengenal, bertemu-temu, saling mengasihi sesama.

Alhamdulillah sekarang gejala-gejala di atas sudah mulai berkurang. disini saya menyelamatkan diri saya, bersembunyi dan berbicara dengan jujur.

home

belakangan ini saya lebih sering bersama keluarga, tenang dan aman. tidak perlu menceritakan apa keluh kesah saya pun sudah cukup nyaman. keluarga lah yang paling menerima saya apa adanya. tak perlu pura-pura ceria, kalau murung ya murung saja di depan mereka. mereka tidak akan bertanya-tanya, cukup membahas keseharian saya. lalu suasana hati saya akan cair dengan sendirinya.

pergi nonton Iron Man 2 dengan abang saya dan nonton Ip Man 2 bersama kedua orang tua saya. seperti anak kecil saja kelihatannya kemana-mana bersama keluarga. tapi sungguh saya merindukan saat-saat seperti ini, aman dan tenang diliputi kasih sayang. Alhamdulillah kami sekeluarga cukup akrab, hubungan dengan abang saya terutama. kami berdua saudara sekaligus teman. tidak segan berbagi cerita bersamanya.

pernah bercermin kepada orang lain yang kurang beruntung? yang orang tuanya tidak lengkap lagi, ayah ibunya sudah berpisah, atau sering bertengkar? betapa berharganya keluarga yang utuh. sering melawan dan membantah? padahal itu lah wujud betapa perhatiannya orang tua kepada kita. lihat orang tua yang terlalu sibuk di luar rumah, sampai-sampai kita berbicara hanya ketika meminta uang saku?

waktu-waktu saya terjatuh seperti ini membuat saya merasa betapa sangat berharganya keluarga, disini lah tempat berlindung paling aman. tempat saya bernaung. kemana pun saya peri tetap akan mencari jalan pulang. rumah..

Female Power ****

lately I like to hear female singer than male singer song, like Alanis Morissette, Feist, Soko. Their song unique, wierd (especially Soko, she singing insane), not kinda spoiled, but very ear catching for me.

#Hands Clean >> Alanis Morissette

#We're All In The Dance >> Feist

#Wet Dreams >> Soko