feeling like a child

i'm 20th next year T.T i'll miss 'belasan tahun' 11st-19th. people call it 'transition' from child to be adult. there's a lot things change in me, expect my body.haha i deep inside my heart, i don't wanna be older. maybe that's why my body not growing, because i deny it :p almost 10 years past, i met a lot of people, countless story happen, worst things, best things, family, school, friends, foe, love, hate and everything! *my head spinning, nostalgic*

sometime i feel still like a child. for me the best gift from God to human it's childhood time. look at a children, they just just play. playing is their job. they don't really think about how about the next day, seems fool but pure. i miss it so much. i look at myself now, think that i become a paranoid. too much worried about future. i try to just enjoy it, but it's not too easy. Thank God i met the persons, some amazing person who can make me still real, still alive, still young, still spoiled, still innocent, still like a child. the arms that can make me feel safe to rest for a while, i feel stronger and weak at the same time, then continue the life again. i know that i must keep moving on in this life, i can't stay in the past. Thank God *Alhamdulillah* for the gift :)

i wanna grow up (not grow old). FOREVER YOUNG YEAAH!

what if

what if there's no having happy birthday, human just aging (?)

what if there's no new year eve, just take the old calendar from the wall and hang the new one (?)

- pinggang membesar. celana-celana sudah sempit

o besarkan juga otak tu. biar pikiran luas. ndak hanya game

Are you game?

Sophie was back in the game! Pure, raw, explosive pleasure! Better than drugs, better than smack! Better than a dope-coke-crack-fix-shit-shoot-sniff-ganja-marijuana-blotter-acid-ecstasy! Better than sex, head, 69, orgies, masturbation, tantrism, Kama Sutra or Thai doggy-style! Better than banana milkshakes! Better than George Lucas's trilogy, the muppets and 2001! Better than Emma Peel, Marilyn, Lara Croft and Cindy Crawford's beauty mark! Better than the B-side to Abbey Road, Jimmy Hendrix and the first man on the moon! Space Mountain, Santa Claus, Bill Gates' fortune, the Dalai Lama, Lazarus raised from the dead! Schwarzenegger's testosterone shots, Pam Anderson's lips! Woodstock, raves... Better than Sade, Rimbaud, Morrison and Castaneda! Better than freedom, better than life!

(Love Me If You Dare - 2003)

pilih ending yang ditimbun semen atau bersama sampai tua?

(?)

apa pak presiden bahagia memimpin negeri ini?

apa pak polisi bahagia saat menilang?

apa mamang tukang becak bahagia saat menuggu penumpangnya?

apa bu ayu bahagia menggendong bakul sayurnya?

apa abang tukang parkir bahagia saat memarkirkan motor?

apa para pemulung bahagia saat mengais-ngais sampah?

apa anak autisme dapat merasa bahagia?

apa teman-teman bahagia mengenal saya?

apa mama bahagia melahirkan anak seperti saya?

*tampar diri sendiri

little piece of heaven

it's early morning. butterfly sleep on the top of little bayan tree, near my classroom.

Saturday, FKIP UNTAN December 18 2010

a year writing and a hundred post so far.

why vanilla?

its related to a song. Sweet Vanilla by HYDE.

Sweet Vanilla

I give myself to you

bara wo shikitsumete suteki na yumemi wo

Darling, its all for your love



me fusagitaku naru sekai no hate demo

kanashimasenai



I will show to you the stars

There's so much that you should know

I won't cause you any tears

Believe me, Believe me

i thought how lucky Sweet Vanilla. and why my yahoo id is sadvanilla? think it by yourself fufufufu ;). but beside this song, i also love the smells of vanilla, sometimes i use it as my perfume. or i rather choose vanilla milkshake than chocolate milkshake.

for download the song click me :)

dekatkan kami..dekatkan kami padaMu

random thought (again)

lihat diri saya (pendek, kurus, berbulu, bakhan bila diteliti lebih seksama berkumis *pertanyaan dalam hati apakah saya perempuan* , dan banyak tahi lalat *tapi punya tahi lalat itu rasanya seksi). dan tidak memasa kini, berwawasan masa lampau. di mata saya masa lalu begitu berkilaukan *halah*. majalah kadarluarsa, lagu-lagu nostalgia om-tante, baju-baju loak *lelong* (dan baju-baju saat saya TK), dan gaya berpakaian yang biasa (sangat standar, kaos dengan gambar yang sangat biasa, jeans) beserta tas (tas loakan, hanya 1 yang beli baru dari toko. dan modelnya tidak seperti tas teman-teman saya yang berbahan seperti kulit dan bentuknya solid, tas saya kain letoy. tas andalan kemana-mana dari akar yang diberi emaknya raisa) dan aksesoris *yang hampir tidak ada* semua tidak mengikuti mode. pernah suatu hari saya memakai celana yang modelnya jauh dari tahun 2000an. basic sekali lah, kebetulan seorang tante dataang ke rumah dan berkata "ini celana tahun berapa ca?" (tante. jelasnya beliau lebih tua dari pada saya bisa bertanya seperti itu), abang saya yang berdarah dingin itu kemudian menyahut "haha old school". berdosakah saya ketinggalan jaman? tapi saya sadar ketinggalan jaman. berarti saya pemerhati fashion dong? *bingung sendiri* lagi tren rambut panjang, behel, belah tengah, dan gadget mutakhir saya tahu. tapi tidak ada yang pantas saya rasa bila diterapkan pada diri saya *jelas nong-nong lebar tahu dirilah* alhamdulillah saya tidak pantas seperti itu. saya berpikir, belah tengah itu rambut saya SD dulu padahal.hahaha

sebenarnya ini ngomong apa -_- apa sih!? apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa apa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. sudah. stop stop. lagi merasa cantik mungkin.wkwkwkwk inikah efek pms yang tidak disadari, atau saya ingkari keberadaannya :|

*pikiran ganjil yang terlintas : kadang saya berpikir, yang tertarik pada saya itu orang yang berkencenderungan phedophilia.hahahahhaa *maaf bercanda yang keterlaluan -_-. salam pada gadis gadis masa kini yang moderen dan trendi :)

random lah

sudah lama tidak melakukan hal-hal ini.hehe saya canggung, malah dibilang jijik sama yang lain. saya sungguhan canggung padahal (-_-") lokasinya di lapangan softball. yang rela diperdaya memotret adalah Fiqrie Yudhistira (padahal kami diperdaya juga oleh dia untuk mengatur posisi -_-) saya tidak konsisten mau warna seperti apa. tiap foto memiliki rasa yang berbeda (sok-sok jago), jadi saya bingung bagaimana menyamaratakan tone-nya (eaaak tone segale makin semacam jago). yak silahkan dilihat lah kakak-kakak sekalian. boleh dihina, dijadikan bahan tertawaan, tapi jangan diedit-edit lagi, apalagi di akui atas hasil karya anda :D

o

i'm out of my own circle, circle of comfort. let myself in a risk..

representation of my life is like an old fashioned television, an old melodramatic movie play in the little screen. eventhough its colorless, bore scenes, and full of silent, i loved monochrome life.

but if white or black just trick of light or darkness, i've been blinded all time. my life been so colorless..

then i'm turn off the little box old fashioned technology, let the light of the dusk burn my mind, heating my heart. eyes it's one of greatest give from God, but i realize that i didn't really use my eyes, use to see colors..

this photo from click me :D

You make my world so colorful

I've never had it so good

My love I thank you for all the love

You gave to me

Daniel Sahuleka - You Make My World So Colourful